Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging – Louise Rennison

Evan’s ESS = 9 out of 10

Erin’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Content = PG-13 (Language, Adult Concepts, Teenage Mindlessness)

Why:  If there is ever a book that will inspire you to speak with a British accent for the next 12 to 14 days, Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging will do it.  Even though this book is nothing more than the diary of a self centered, boy crazy, adolescent girl, it is chocked full of hilariosity.  (You too will start to use Georgia-isms all day long and eschew other boring sayings away with a firm hand).  You will find your vocabulary expanded with words like gorgy, stroppy, jimjams, and phrases like: double cool with knobs (don’t worry, there is an easy to understand British to American glossary in the back of the book).  Many reviews have referred to Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging as a Bridget Jones Diary for teenagers; however we’ve never read nor seen Bridget Jones Diary so we’re unable to comment on the validity of this comparison.

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging has won several awards and was even identified in a 2005 UK poll as one of the country’s favorite books of all time.  And if that wasn’t enough to get you excited, there are 9 other books in the Georgia Nicolson series.  By the end you’ll be itching to join the ACE Gang.  (Unfortunately, membership does appear to be limited as our initial application was denied – twice).    

Editor’s Note: After you’ve completed the reading do yourself a favor and rent the Nickelodeon movie (Time savor hint: the movie title is actually called: Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging).  We also highly endorse the soundtrack.   And you should know, we encourage you to use a British accent whenever you are talking in conversation with us – we will LUUURVE it!

The Pillar's of the Earth

The Pillars of the Earth – Ken Follett

Evan’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Erin’s ESS = 8 out of 10

Content = NC-17 (Violence, Language, Nudity, Adult Content, Horribly Nasty Bad Guys)

Why: This novel is not for the faint of heart, and by faint of heart we mean anyone not afraid to go swimming immediately after consuming a chicken burrito with all the fixins from Chipotle.  Just wait until you meet the treachery of William Hamleigh and a certain unnamed cleric.  Our blood’s starting to boil just thinking about it. 

The Pillar’s of the Earth is a step away from the thriller genre for Ken Follett, though it is easily his most memorable book.  The novel follows the construction of a cathedral and all the politics, hardships, greed, awe, and time lapse that accompany the process.  The various attributes and innovations of many different cathedrals are described to such a degree that in some underground circles the completion of The Pillar’s of the Earth is the equivalency of a Doctorate in both Gothic and Romanesque Architecture.  Along the way you’ll literally meet thousands of characters (drastic overstatement) who will inspire a full range of emotions.  It will only take a few pages until you’re helplessly swept into the world of Medieval Europe and the city Kingsbridge.  The novel is epic in every sense of the word (except the portion of the definition referring to a long narrative poem written in elevated style… every other sense though).    

If you missed the content rating above, be warned that The Pillar’s of the Earth ventures into aspects of 12^th century life that few people would discuss at the dinner table (if you’re related to the Vikings from the Capital One commercials, please accept our sincerest apologies).  The bottom line is that some readers will be offended while others will applaud Follett for his authenticity.  We guess you’ll just have to read the novel to pass judgment.  Whether you love it or hate it; we guarantee The Pillar’s of the Earth will stir your emotions.

The Kite Runner

The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini

Evan’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Erin’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Content = R (Violence, Language, Adult Concepts, Excessive Bullying, Unbearably Sad Circumstances)

"For you, a thousand times over"

Why:  If you don’t cry at some point in this novel you may need to go on a weekend retreat to Sunny Side Happy Camp, in order to get in tune with your emotions.  Khaled Hosseini has created a gut wrenching account of an Afghan boy and the changes his country experiences over several decades.  The book explores many different themes including; loyalty, guilt, sacrifice, love, fear, redemption, and forgiveness.  You’ll learn about the competitive world of kite fighting and kite running.  You will also be exposed… Sorry, don’t think we can go on.  Just thinking about Hassan is stirring up all kinds of emotions.  Plus, we’re all out of tissues and we don’t want to short out the keyboard.  Just read it - you won’t be disappointed…   

The Shadow of the Wind

The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Evan’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Erin’s ESS = 7 out of 10

Content = PG-13 (Adult Content, Violence, Brief Nudity, Over Exciting Ending)

"Once, in my father's bookshop, I heard a regular customer say that few things leave a deeper mark on a reader than the first book that finds its way into his heart. Those first images, the echo of words we think we have left behind, accompany us throughout our lives and sculpt a palace in our memory to which, sooner or later—no matter how many books we read, how many worlds we discover, or how much we learn or forget—we will return."

Why:  Remarkable is defined by Webster as: worthy of being or likely to be noticed especially as being uncommon or extraordinary.  This explanation is way too cumbersome.  A more accurate definition would be to simply state: The Shadow of the Wind.  What Zafon has created is one part ghost story, one part love story, one part mystery, two parts awesomeness - and a prize to any book lover.  The plot is advanced through first person narratives, letters, interviews and a few flashbacks thrown in for good measure.

We’re also giving The Shadow of the Wind high marks for creating one of the coolest locations for any true Bibliophile: the Cemetery of Forgotten Books (Not really a cemetery, but a huge and secret collection of books).  The main character is allowed to select one novel which, as it turns out, unlocks hidden secrets, friendships, and a little thing we like to call destiny.  What follows are numerous plot twists and turns that lead the reader deeper and deeper into the secrets surrounding a journeyman writer and a creepy guy that smells like smoke.  Brace yourself, because the end will stick with you for several days. What we love about this book is that Zafon writes with an understanding that books are an essential need in life, and all of his heroes and heroines agree.

Editor’s Note: We should also give some props to Lucia Graves who translated La sombra del viento into English.  You rock girl!   

 The OTHER Editor’s Note:  It was a good read – most definitely, but I feel the above review is overstated just a teeny tiny bit. 

Editor’s Note: I don’t

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams

Evan’s ESS = 9 out of 10

Erin’s ESS = 3 out of 10

Content = PG (Adult Concepts, Mild Violence, Logical Thinking, Frustrating Highway Construction Projects)

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."

Why:  You either love Douglas Adam’s humor or you hate it.  After multiple halfway closed door meetings within the depth of the GL, the verdict is split.  This review was written by those parties in favor of Adam’s and will remain nameless, although we think Erin is completely wrong. 

While we admit science fiction isn’t for everyone, reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is one of those necessities for any well rounded Bibliophile.  The fact that this novel is the authority on science fiction humor speaks for itself.  Frankly, if you’re not moved to read about depressed robots, character’s with names like Zaphod Beeblebrox, and space ships powered by infinite probability drives; then finding your next good book should be the least of your worries – you really need to worry about finding a sense of humor.  Additionally, the manual could help prepare you for any unexpected intergalactic travel.

You’ll know within the first few pages whether or not you’ll like this novel.  If the highway construction scene doesn’t yield at least 2.5 LOLs then you’re probably not going to get it.  As much as it pains us to make this statement without a nasty personal attack: this novel probably isn’t right for you.  Just remember that whenever you close a novel before completion a butterfly loses its antenna.

I do have a small recommendation for anyone ambitious enough to tackle the complete series: A Trilogy in Six Parts.  Take breaks and read something else in between.  Part of the reason Douglas Adam’s is so funny is because his humor is so unique.  If you plow right through all six books in one setting, the novelty of his humor may wear off and may even become mildly annoying or slightly childish. 

Editor’s Note:  Anyone else notice the last five words on this review?  BINGO.  (In case you’re wondering which editor is making this note, here’s a hint…it’s the voice of reason).

Gone with the Wind

Gone with the Wind – Margaret Mitchell

Evan’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Erin’s ESS = 10 out of 10

Content = PG-13 (Violence, Adult Content, Profound hardship, Unnecessary Stubbornness)

“Scarlet O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm…”

"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."

Why:  After a thorough examination and several closed door meetings at the GL, there is actually not one justifiable reason why you should not read this book.  Gone with the Wind has sold more than 30 million copies and won the Pulitzer Prize in 1937.  Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara are the two greatest fictional characters of all time – and we could just cry even thinking about Melly, who is easily the most enduring.  We could seriously go on and on about the wonders of this novel (We think we will).

From the beginning Scarlett O’Hara (not to be confused with the cocktail, which includes Southern Comfort, Cranberry juice, and fresh lime – just in case you were wondering) elicits strong emotions from the reader.  If by the end you haven’t laughed, spat, gnashed your teeth, cried, and sighed in relief, you may have accidently picked up Gone with the WINE, which is a humorous guide focusing more on the fascination with drinking fermented grapes.  Just read the following monologue as the confederacy continues to be ravished by the New York Yankees: “As God is my witness, and God is my witness, the Yankees aren't going to lick me. I'm going to live through this, and when it's over, I'm never going to be hungry again. No, nor any of my folks. If I have to steal or kill - as God is my witness, I'm never going to be hungry again." Step aside Winston Churchill and Tony Robbins, there’s a new kid in town.

This book is often unfairly brandished a “girly book” (not that there’s anything wrong with girly books).  But nothing could be further from the truth.  For starters, Rhett Butler is more of a man’s man than Chuck Norris and the guy from the Dos Equis commercial could ever hope to be.  Unfortunately, some of his testosterone is offset by the character of Ashley Wilkes.  Read it… you know you want to.

Editors Note: Apparently it wasn’t the New York Yankees, but the Union army from the north that ravished the confederacy.  Sorry about the oversight…

A Few Ground Rules

Before we get into the review’s let’s first go over a few ground rules.  As any reader knows the true measure of a good book is how much sleep you have lost from not being able to reach a stopping point.  For this reason we have decided to utilize a variation of the Epworth Sleepiness Scale to rate each novel (this is a valid scale; seriously).  The ESS is used to measure a person’s general level of daytime sleepiness, soooo we will rate each novel on a scale of 1 – 10 to help you determine what level of daytime sleepiness you should expect upon completion.  Furthermore, due to several disagreements during the rating process, the editorial staff has decided to publish two ratings: Evan’s ESS and Erin’s ESS.  Lastly, to help protect the innocence of each reader, our reviews will include a content rating similar to the system used in the movie industry.  Everything else is fair game and subject to change without notice (although we do promise to keep interest rates flat for the term of your interest in Two Bibliomaniacs).